And then it was OK...

Yesterday I had one of those moments that got me thinking (their really rare so they stick with me). Life is hard. Challenges are a daily part of everything we do. Sometimes I feel like giving up or at the very least wish I could hire Alice from the Brady Bunch to help out. So here's my thought... Life is full of difficulties, we are always climbing the mountain and it seems like we hardly ever get to the top and get to appreciate the view. I thought of a few times I got the "view" and then it was OK....
#1 Yesterday I got to hear my baby's heartbeat for the first time. The last few months have been an experiment in torture for me. I have never been more sick, never been more miserable in my life. I had begun to think of this little one as a life sucking creature. Yesterday I got to hear that little baby and then it was OK.
#2 In high school I dated this cutest boy for over a year. Then he left to serve a mission for two long years. I was 16 and incredibly dramatic, so though I knew he was doing the right thing I was so depressed. Then the depression went away and a I dated a little bit, one of whom I thought might be "the one". However, it never worked out because I just couldn't "Dear John" Lyndon, I even chased the mailman down once to get one back. Then he came home. It was awkward and weird but that first night he asked if he could kiss me and I said yes and I swear their were fireworks and then it was OK.
#3 We knew we were supposed to adopt and eagerly got started on the process. Then became what adoption is really all about...waiting. We waited and waited and worried and worried. I became so insane I needed meds (my adoption friends continually suggested different ones for me to take), but never did. It was the most heart wrenching thing I have ever done and I never felt more alone. But then many, many months later on Christmas Eve this angel boy sat on my lap with a bow on his head and then it was OK.
There are lots more. But, I think I am beginning to see that life is a series of bumps, bruises, long runs (though I kind of like those) and climbs with an occasional glimpse of the view and then it will be OK. Hopefully someday I will stand next to my Savior all broken up but having tried my hardest and He will give me a hug and then it will be OK...

A Part of Me Is There

Over the last six years I have fallen in love with a country and a people that have been in my heart, on my mind and in my prayers every day since I was first introduced. Some of you are getting your first introduction to Haiti and maybe even pulled out a globe to see where in the world this tiny place is. I have been trying to write a blog post about how I feel about all of this, but as you know my blogs tend to be silly or off hand and there is nothing either silly or off hand about the disaster in Haiti. If I let myself think to much about it I feel as if I will begin to cry and never stop. A few of my concerns

• The people I know (and the ones I don't) who have waited months and often years, kids rooms painted, hearts broken over and over again wondering when their kids will be home. Now they pace around wondering if their kids are even alive and if so what will all of this do to the already nightmare process of getting them home.
  
• My hero Bishop Harry Mardy and his family who I am told is pretty much living in an LDS parking lot with, among others, all of the kids from the Foyer orphanage in Petionville that was destroyed. They are desperate for food, water and medical care. While there he is grieving the loss of his mother and sister who were both killed in the quake.
• My Haitian Roots kids who I love so dearly. Of the 100+ kids we know that 10 are OK, the rest is unknown.
• My sons other mother. I always thought of her and I as partners and pictured taking our son to meet her again someday. Will I ever know if she is still here?
  

Because several people have asked me I will let you know of two ways that I know of to donate. On the right hand side of my page there is a place you can donate money to Haitian Roots or Hope for Little Angels of Haiti. If you feel inclined go there to donate and just write "to be used for the disaster" and all of your money will be used for that purpose. The Haitian people are suffering and this is not your typical group of wimps here. They are tougher than most of us ever thought of being. I love them. I worry about them. I am praying for them and I love knowing that you are too. Don't stop. Don't forget them.

Yes the whole world revolves around me...

I had made a decision not to blog until I felt better, didn't want to whine and complain in print. However, my new thought is that if I blog about it I won't feel a need to whine incessantly to any one who will listen. I am going to see if it works and if it stops me from being all about me to the next handful of people that are nice enough to ask how I am doing, then you won't want to read this for awhile. So how am I you ask (not that you asked, but for the sake of argument let's pretend the whole world really does revolve around me)? You know how I love lists so let me give you top 10 reasons why I am not OK...
#10 having been ill for nearly two months now there is nothing left in any grocery store anywhere that hasn't made me me sick and so therefore I can't eat it again...
#9 my son said that he loved me because I used to take care of him, but now that dad does it he likes my hair
#8 reading makes me dizzy, that's right my favorite past time can't happen
#7 running keeps me sane, unless you count running to the bathroom then you can imagine just how sane I am
#6 the track marks and bruises up my arms from the hospital make me look like a druggie
#5 though I appreciate the sometimes 5 pounds I lose in a day, bulimia apparently isn't going to work for me
#4 an allergic reaction to an IV drug at the hospital turned me into an embarrasing raving lunatic threatining to rip my IV out, my poor sister stood in the hallway waiting for the nurse because she was to afraid to be with me
#3 I haven't gotten dressed in a month and my adorable husband probably is starting to think the women at work look kind of cute (note my husband works construction and for the most part he has NEVER seen a girl at work that he would have noticed wasn't a guy)
#2 I have little to no participation in my life...it happens without me and I am to sick to even notice most of the time.
#1 you never know how much your family needs you until you are right here and can't do anything for them. I see all of them suffering because of me, me, me and it breaks my heart into a million pieces...
So big thanks to my sweet friends and family who call and ask how I am doing and then endure my tearful whining. Big thanks to those who have brought food (or offered to do so), cough drops, herbal remedies and groceries. Huge thanks to those who have offered to take my kids if I need them to. Big thanks to my darling sister who endured one of the most difficult nights I can remember by my side. Did I mention I know how blessed I am and I really love this little creature? I do and I know this to shall pass, I just wish it would pass a little quicker...