Friday, May 21, 2010
I am thinking tonight of my Grayson. This little miracle of mine didn't get here the same way all of the other boys around here did and as he grows it is clear he is beginning to question that a little bit. You see he spent nearly a year and a half in a crib for 23 hours a day with other babies scratching at him, hungry and sick most of the time. When he was 8 months old he was so sick that he was hospitalized for 3 weeks before I got there to nurse him back to health. Just when he was feeling better I got on a plane (by force) and left him again for another 8 months. During the time when babies learn that if they cry someone will come for them and take care of it, my little boy learned that cry all you want no one if going to be there for you. Now as he grows we see that affecting him in painful ways. He is doing all he can (subconciously) to make us crazy so that he can prove to himself that we really don't love him, that we really won't be there for him. I am going to tell you honestly that the making us crazy part is working! But, no matter how hard he tries to prove that we won't be there for him it's just not ever going to work.
You see I know without a shadow of a doubt that before the world was, I wrapped that beautiful boy in my arms and promised him that I would find him. I know that the Lord set it up for me to be his mom and him to be my son. Nothing will change that. He may have five brothers that all lived in mom's belly, he may have a chocolaty exterior in a family full of vanilla's, he may wonder why we say that we know just what grandma Friant went through raising daddy because Jamen is just like him and we don't say that for him. But, the bottom line is this. He is my son. For eternity and longer, no matter what, we were meant to be together and NOTHING will change that. I hope that he knows that while I don't have to put a second mortgage on my house, live in a pile of paperwork, take three planes, and nearly lose my sanity waiting for him to get home again, that I will do all I can this time to go and get him and bring him home to me. Someday, and I don't know when, he will know that though sometimes it is hard for him to understand why he is here, the reason is because we belong together.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
I usually wait to post until I feel so inspired, most days I just feel inspired (though denied) to take a nap. But, I felt that though this wasn't going to be a literary masterpiece that I do have a few thoughts I would like to save for my future self. In typical Heather fashion I will number them, though they are not in any type of order.
1. We named our son. Thanks for the help, phew that was a hard one. We ended up heading the other direction and decided to name him Forrest. That was my great grandpa's name and we like it. We are stressing out many people who seem to find this name completely disgraceful, but Forrest it will remain.
2. I have it in mind to start keeping a little notebook of the funny things my kids say, but they may be grown before I get it done, so the couple from lately would be: Isaac wants an apple critter (fritter) and Jamen would like a flazed (glazed doughnut). Cute and can you tell the awful food this pregnant woman has been craving? Isaac would also like to have dinner at a restronaut (restaurant).
3. I really believe the secret to peace is cutting back as much as possible on the crazy in a family's schedule, at least that works for us. The more we are home with no immediate plans the more peace there is in our life. This has also left lots of time for reading and we finished The Trumpet of the Swan and Knights of the Roundtable in the last few weeks. Did I mention that reading to my kids is the highlight of my existance?
4. Simplifying is just the best. I think that a houseful of bored kids makes for some resourceful and interesting people. We are going on a whole month of no TV until evening (and often not then). At first this was challenging, but now it just feels like those little brains are flexing and I love it!
Not much to say, like I said just rambling. Life is good. I am so blessed and I just felt like telling it to the world (or at least the few people that read my blog)