Friday, May 21, 2010
Because We Belong Together
I am thinking tonight of my Grayson. This little miracle of mine didn't get here the same way all of the other boys around here did and as he grows it is clear he is beginning to question that a little bit. You see he spent nearly a year and a half in a crib for 23 hours a day with other babies scratching at him, hungry and sick most of the time. When he was 8 months old he was so sick that he was hospitalized for 3 weeks before I got there to nurse him back to health. Just when he was feeling better I got on a plane (by force) and left him again for another 8 months. During the time when babies learn that if they cry someone will come for them and take care of it, my little boy learned that cry all you want no one if going to be there for you. Now as he grows we see that affecting him in painful ways. He is doing all he can (subconciously) to make us crazy so that he can prove to himself that we really don't love him, that we really won't be there for him. I am going to tell you honestly that the making us crazy part is working! But, no matter how hard he tries to prove that we won't be there for him it's just not ever going to work.
You see I know without a shadow of a doubt that before the world was, I wrapped that beautiful boy in my arms and promised him that I would find him. I know that the Lord set it up for me to be his mom and him to be my son. Nothing will change that. He may have five brothers that all lived in mom's belly, he may have a chocolaty exterior in a family full of vanilla's, he may wonder why we say that we know just what grandma Friant went through raising daddy because Jamen is just like him and we don't say that for him. But, the bottom line is this. He is my son. For eternity and longer, no matter what, we were meant to be together and NOTHING will change that. I hope that he knows that while I don't have to put a second mortgage on my house, live in a pile of paperwork, take three planes, and nearly lose my sanity waiting for him to get home again, that I will do all I can this time to go and get him and bring him home to me. Someday, and I don't know when, he will know that though sometimes it is hard for him to understand why he is here, the reason is because we belong together.