Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The Dark Side

I have been avoiding the blog for awhile...I told EE it was because I didn't think I ought to be sharing the "dark side" with you my faithful friends. She says I should put it out there and that people are not put off to find us in a rut, but that you might feel that way too. I am not sure if it is the freezing weather, thyroid gone wild again or a little seasonal sadness but I am a mess. I find myself inbetween tears and bitterness and listening to angry chick music a lot. I am taking my usual approach and ordered a blood test for the thyroid, started reading a book called Happiness, Finders Keepers, and started running more and eating ice cream more (yes technically they cancel each other out, but I love them both). There are times in our lives when we feel overwhelmed and sad and when hope seems like a myth. I have been broken hearted over some of the heart ache I have seen on the behalf of others this year. I have watched friends and family have their heart broken and two weeks in Haiti is always enough to remind you that there is suffering no matter where you look. Usually I look at this as sure fire proof that we need each other and just want to dig in and do what I can. Lately I have had a hard time believing that what we try so hard to do is helping at all. Anyway, in this dark place I am grateful for the hope of the gospel. Our leaders tell us that the best is yet to come and I know they wouldn't lie. They say it gets darkest before the light and I guess now is the period filled with much darkness. The book I read was incredibly helpful and I am just going to put on a couple of quotes that helped me-who knows maybe some of you are leaning a bit toward the "dark side" right now as well...
*Life is really a battle between fear and faith, pessimism and optimism. Fear and pessimism paralyze men with skepticism and futility. One must have a sense of humor to be an optimist in times like these. Hugh B. Brown
*Enjoy your membership in the church. Where else in all the world can you find such a society? Enjoy your activity...be happy in that which you do. Cultivate a spirit of gladness in your homes...Let the light of the gospel shine in your faces wherever you go and in whatever you do. President Hinckley
*I think it's what's inside of us that makes us happy-our thoughts, the way we handle what's around us, and our deepest desires. Mary Ellen Edmunds
*If we criticize God or are unduly miffed over suffering and tribulation, we are really criticizing the Planner for implementing the very plan we once approved, premortally. Granted, we don't now remember the actual approval. But, not remembering is actually part of the plan! In the midst of vexing difficulties, since we "shouted for joy" in the premortal world, sometimes we may wonder now what all the shouting was about. Neal A. Maxwell

6 comments:

Lara said...

Hi Heather, I found your blog off of Amy's. I don't know why I didn't see it sooner. I have "found" lots of blogs off of hers today. Anyway, you have a beautiful family and I love your writing. I even enjoyed your Dark Side post. Especially the last quote from Elder Maxwell. I haven't heard that before and I really liked it. I know that I have felt miffed a time or two. I hope you start to feel better:)

Kim said...

AWE Heather (I think I have posted b4...if not I found u thru Jo) I just wanted to let you know I will be thinking about you & hoping your cloud lifts soon!!

EE said...

check your email. Love ya.

darl_jo said...

i was about to suggest that you send all those boys over, but before i could get it written, here came all the boys! You must have been reading my thoughts.

give yourself a break and send them over anytime. You know i'll take them, including Miciah!

Take care of yourself, you are most important if you want to be any good for anyone else.

Perla said...

dear friend, i am sorry that you are finding yourself in a dark place right now. very few know of the darkness that i have felt at times. with this pregnancy everybody keeps asking me if i'm feeling okay and i can't help but say yes, even if i've been very sick because i have been pretty mentally stable and happy so i really do feel like i'm fine. physical illness or pain is always preferential to me than the dark side (or the 'black dog' as winston churchill once called his depression and which analogy works well for me as i feel it creeping up sometimes, ready to pounce). this really should be an e-mail rather than a comment, huh? anyway, i'm very sorry and hope that you find the culprit soon--a thyroid adjustment of something. but thank heavens for the gospel that we always have to cling to. i mean it literally when i say that i know i would not be here (i mean alive) if it weren't for my testimony. how lucky that despite sometimes a pressing darkness, deep inside we know where to turn and in whom to trust when there is no where else.

Tevita and Jodi said...

I wish in times like this you would remember my phone number. I hope you are ok and as always you are in my prayers.