Multiple Personality Disorder Girl

I have a friend whose blog I read...on that blog she has a list of blogs titled, "Blogs I read that you shouldn't" Like any good defiant teen of 34 I couldn't help myself from looking them up and then spent the next hour reading one and laughing so hard I almost peed my pants (apparently if I am like most women near my age I will be doing that soon anyway). After reading it the blog posts started filling my mind and I realize there is an inner conflict in me that battles almost constantly, either that or I have multiple personality disorder. Let me introduce you to the two Heather's...On the one hand we have Typical Mormon Housewife Girl...This one works hard to keep things neat, orderly and happy. I home school and as of yesterday own chickens. I make my own bread and read to my children like crazy. We do morning devotional and have family home evening. I read parenting books and make charts for everything. We attend church every week and I love the Lord. I can bear my testimony with tears and I mean every word of it. I believe in family and at the moment have five children, but still don't consider us a large family. I drive a mini van. I adore my husband and have been married to him since I was a child (19 almost 20). I have a fake Scentsy candle wafting out lovely smells most of the time. I try to do what is right, I spell check and do food storage inventory. I used to scrapbook and know that I will probably start doing it again. You know her, sometimes you don't like her very much....let's hear it for Typical Mormon Housewife Girl!

Now may I introduce you to the other me! To friends like EE, Nic and T this girl is not really a shocking revelation...to most of you, you just won't believe it! I have to bite my tongue almost constantly not to say the inappropriate sarcastic remark that I have for almost everything that is said. I think motherhood is wicked hard, harder than anything I have ever been faced with and some days there is nothing I would like more than to turn the job over to someone else. I hide candy from my kids and then hide myself so I can eat it without them. My husband's perfection sometimes annoys me to death and sometimes I swear just to see his eyes get all big. I have read Twilightmultiple times and I think it is stupid and a waste of time, but though the other me thrives on the productive use of time, this girl likes to waste it on anything remotely entertaining (may I also add mindless teenage chick flicks here). The other me is already worried that keeping it real will offend so many of you that I try daily to be like. Most of my friends appear to enjoy their children and love them so much that butterflies appear to be shooting out their faces every time they look at them. Sometimes when I wake up I make a rule that my children can't talk until I have had a shower. They never actually shut it, but I still say it. Point being there is a lack of butterflies shooting out of me a lot. Some of you know her, most of you don't. But, this is me anyway so a big round of applause for Psycho, Immature Full Grown Teenage Girl!

I could yammer on until the end of time. But after spending two days with a friend recently I realized a couple of things. First off, people don't like you if they think you are really and truly perfect. It makes you completely unapproachable and it's just not real. Second, I am tired. I am tired of trying to be "perfect". I am not. My children are not. The husband I love and I can fight better than most people, we also know that doesn't mean it's the end for us. I am going to try and live in peace with these two women. I know that some of that "evil" stuff needs to be tweaked (not like tweaking which I learned from my friend is mom's on meth), but you know improved. But, like it or not I just might be both. The me that hates holidays, parties and social gatherings and the me who plans each of those with a theme and a clean house because it is the right thing to do....who do you like best?

So feel free to write whatever you think about this...Some of you will go with the typical perfect response "oh Heather, none of us are perfect, but we just love you, love you no matter what." And that will be greatly appreciated. Or you can say what you are really thinking things like:

• "You weren't fooling anyone we always knew you were a loser"
• You can leave tips of the best places to hide while eating peanut butter M&M's
• "Sarcasm is an art, feel free to use it."
• Feel free to introduce me to your alternate self, I would love to meet her!

I spell checked this, but I am not taking the time to find a fitting photo to match...In the future, if I chose to continue to blog which personality do you prefer. Gorgeous pics of my kids in matching outfits in the perfect seasonal setting or me ranting on like an old version of Avril Lavine with no musical talent?