Until I Can See The End

I try to write when I feel upbeat and ready to take on the world. I really try to write when I think that something I say will be positive and worth reading in the future. I am not sure that is what this post will be like today. Last time I talked about the importance of looking ahead and not staring at the road. Today I feel certain that I should be looking ahead but can't seem to lift my eyes from the road! I mentioned that while I yearn to simplify it seems impossible. As of late because of the busy I feel like all I do is only half done. Those of you who know me well know this is unacceptable to me. Yesterday I was thinking to myself, "Ok we made it through the day, not great but not bad" at that exact moment my son walked in with half his arm pointing north and the other half going south...we spent the evening in the ER getting the broken arm taken care of. They can't cast it for 10 days...the doctor says, "it will be fine, just make sure he is really careful until the cast is on." Easy for him to say, have you met Jamen? Short of keeping him home from school for 10 days and staring at him constantly I am not sure it is even possible not to plan on it breaking again. Today alone, "mom I just want to climb this tree, I will be fine. It's a little bike, not a big one I will just pop one wheelie...I already rested (for 21 seconds) so I am going to just go sit on the trampoline..."
I am reading John Adams by McCullough (I highly recommend it). I am at the part where Adams and Jefferson and most of the other members of congress are exhausted. They have signed and celebrated the Declaration of Independance and now they are mired down by the daily to do's of making this country what it is. When we moved here I felt as if the big changes that needed to happen were before us and it was monumental. Now, I feel mired down by the daily to do's that hopefully will shape these boys into the men they are supposed to be. I can only hope that one day, like Adams, I can look back and smile at this time and know it was all worth it. Wish me luck...

Looking Down At The Pavement

I read the greatest article in the Ensign this month. It was called "Looking to The Lord". The thing I got out of it was that we need to spend more time looking to the future instead of focusing on what is right in front of us. For example, sometimes I walk into my laundry room and want to cry. I mean really, I can be pretty caught up and patting myself on the back and thinking I might be off the hook for a day or so and then BAM! Stomach flu. Or BAM! "Mom all five of us found a mud pit!" If you add that onto all of the other to do's that go with momming you can feel pretty overwhelmed. You get to the end of a day and you think, "OK I was busy all day, let me add up what I have to show for it!" And so you think, the toys are all out (again), the dishwasher needs to be unloaded (again), etc. etc. Then you come up with a big "nada" for the day. This article reminds me that a lifetime of laundry, dishes, cooking, car pooling, scripture reading, teaching, picking up, and so on and so on lead to something really major when I look at the end destination-Men. Grown up men who I helped to become who they are. That's pretty amazing you know. So here is recommitting to seeing down the road and doing a little less staring at the pavement.

Tyson Judd Bastian

Just a quick note to celebrate the arrival of Tyson Judd Bastian. Tyson is the gorgeous new addition to my sister's family. He was born September 12th at 7:30 a.m. He weighed 6 lbs. 14 ozs. and was 19 1/2 inches. All went well and we are so happy he is here and safe. This time I got my brother and law to go home so I got to stay in the hospital with my sister for one night. I love that time when you know what is the most important thing. I also love being with my sister and think that especially since it is just me and her that makes our relationship pretty special. Welcome to the world baby boy!

Simplfy

Simplify...I love that word. I love everything about it. Visions of quiet and hand holding are usually dancing in my head when I think about it. One of the main reasons I wanted to live even deeper in the country was because I wanted my life to be simpler. Here's my problem...I am beginning to think it isn't possible to live a simple life when you are the mother of five sons. I am all about good, better, best (what LDS mother isn't using that phrase repeatedly since the time it was given in general conference?) Here is my thing...Even if you chose only the best, when there are 7 of you under one roof everybody's best adds up to insanity around here! For example today:
-Hurried to shower before the troops stormed the gates
-Made breakfast for said troops
-Got Jamen off to school, always a major feat
-Got Kyle going on piano and school assignments
-Took a minute to snuggle barfy kid, then held his hand while he barfed some more
-Tucked him in front of the TV (yes, I know mother of the year)
-Found most of the surfaces that were lost in the morning chaos
-Fed and dressed baby
-Dressed four year old
-Helped Kyle with spelling and language
-Got baby to quit drinking windex
-Read stories to toddlers until I was horse
-Corrected math test
-Changed baby
-Made lunch for the kids
-Cleaned up lunch for the kids
-Got Kyle off to his history class
-Took a minute to read scriptures
-Made a list of all the things I am worried about, wrote another list on how to handle each thing
-Took some time to make lists for the boys of things they need to be focused on that are falling through the cracks
-Spent some time with Kyle discussing goals and some problems that have arisen
-Helped Kyle and Issac put together a painting project
-Baby woke up fed him lunch
-Started hustling everyone to the car so Kyle could take his BYU final,had to wait for Isaac to throw up. Woke Grayson who said "owie" when I woke him and when I picked him up found he was burning up. Checked temp...105.3
-Called sister and had the usual, "OK, is this worth a trip to the doctors office, when chances are they can't help you and you have to figure out what to do with everyone else in the meantime, including one that is sick with the flu?" Decided on no (neither of us have had a lot of luck with the doctor route actually helping us).
-Took Kyle to Richfield, on the way realized I had forgotten Jamen and he would be coming home to an empty house-called hubby and asked him to call a neighbor to get Jamen.
-That leads us to now 4:00 PM. Now the day gets really busy....
Everything that was done today was a best I think...but like I said add up seven peoples bests and simplify seems like a big laugh!

Just A Dream

You all know that we are on the house building roller coaster. Before we even had our plans drawn we presented it to a builder to make sure it was in the price range. He assured us it was and so we moved on. This week we find that the "dream house" is just going to be that, a dream. The bids are way to high for my pocket book and my peace of mind. I just don't want my whole life to be about making a house payment. I have been trying not to be a brat, but I had my moment of tantrum when the dream of having a library was flushed away. However, this much I know. I want to be where Heavenly Father wants me and I know I am. As for the house I know he would have us use our heads and there is no peace in getting into something you know you will have trouble paying for. We are still planning to build and are in process of making the modifications necessary to fit in the budget. The bottom line to me is being able to be home with my boys...as for them feeling gypped about the loss of the house, not going to happen. I asked Issac what made a good house and he said that he thought a great big pirate sword would be important. That I think I can do! So good-bye to the dream house of old and hello to the dream that means more to me. My family, my commitment to financial freedom and my desire to live with what I "need" as opposed to all the things I "want".

Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

One of the reasons I want to keep a blog is to record the great things that come out of my kids mouths so I don't ever forget....Here are a few as of late..
-We had just finished scripture study and Isaac, who was more reverent than usual speaks up.
Isaac: Mom I talked to Jesus this morning. He only talked to me though.
Mom: What did he look like?
Isaac: He was invisible
Dad: What did he say?
Isaac: He said be nice
Dad: How did he want you to act in primary?
Isaac: He said be good and don't bite. He is sitting by me tonight and he goes with me wherever I go. He also said if there are bees to go get your stuffed bear.
Dad: What does he say about you running away from your primary teacher?
Isaac: (holding two thumbs down) that's following Satan's plan
There you have it the wisdom of my now five year old son. I am laughing to hard to type anymore!

Are You In There?

You know since the birth of my fifth child I have lost something that I am almost sure I need to find...that would be me. Today I feel as if I am a free wheeling woman with time stretched out before me to myself and I can't for the life of me decide what I should even want to do with it. Kyle is off at my friends doing a history class, Jamen is in school and Isaac started his first day of pre-school. Grayson is home with the flu and comatose in front of Dora and the baby is napping. The only thing I could think to do was fix myself a giant bowl of ice cream and sit at the computer. So with Reeses Peanut butter cups melting in my mouth I am asking the question "Where in the world is Heather Friant?"
Before baby number five if you asked what I would do with my free time I would say "run, read and scrapbook" and I made sure to do a little of each every week. I haven't gone for a run in weeks, the only thing I read is what I am reading to or with my children, and while I have 1000's of pics that I love from my new camera they are collecting dust on a shelf.
I think part of the "problem" is that most of the time I don't mind. I used to spout off the need to all mom's for them to have their own "thing" and while I still think it is good I just don't seem to miss it like I used to.
I have found a never ending supply of entertainment in learning with Kyle. I am learning more in his fourth grade studies than I did in my upper level college classes. I love having competitions with him to see who can get through a book the quickest (we are reading the last Harry Potter) and reading to him (we are reading Red Scarf Girl) and having him read to me (The Hobbit).
As for running...I know I should and the fall weather will make me want to. But, part of what I love about running is that I can eat normal and not gain weight when I run. Three weeks ago I got the flu and have lost my since of taste ever since. I am never hungry because nothing tastes...I have lost 9 pounds since. The pounds are nice, but boy do I miss taste...I eat ice cream because if I suck it long enough I get a little flavor.
Anyway, I don't know the point of this post. I honestly go to bed feeling fulfilled most of the time...but does completely losing yourself in motherhood mean that you cease to exist and if so should I care?

What I do For Fun

My friend Teresa tagged me to write what I do for fun....Note that her list included things like practicing putting an IV or tube in her own self for something to do at work because she usually does it on infants and wanted some practice on a big person...so in that vain...This is what I do for fun.
1. Order diapers in bulk and then react gleefully when they show up in the mail.
2. I just got to hold a bowl up to Grayson's mouth (shortly after he puked all over my bead) while he was throwing up. It was so lovely I was dry heaving like a first time parent. I get to practice creative puke removal methods to restore my bedding tonight.
3. I study open bloody wounds to decide if they need stitches. We usually go with "if it will be covered up then leave it." We also believe that a few war wounds are good for boys.
4. I learned how to use a metal detector to decide if coins are trapped in my children's throat. I learned this at Primary Children's after my son had to have a penny surgically removed at 2 am.
5. I hide in my bathroom with treats I don't want to share with my kids.
Good times...good times...there is so much fun the list is endless....