Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Are You In There?
You know since the birth of my fifth child I have lost something that I am almost sure I need to find...that would be me. Today I feel as if I am a free wheeling woman with time stretched out before me to myself and I can't for the life of me decide what I should even want to do with it. Kyle is off at my friends doing a history class, Jamen is in school and Isaac started his first day of pre-school. Grayson is home with the flu and comatose in front of Dora and the baby is napping. The only thing I could think to do was fix myself a giant bowl of ice cream and sit at the computer. So with Reeses Peanut butter cups melting in my mouth I am asking the question "Where in the world is Heather Friant?"
Before baby number five if you asked what I would do with my free time I would say "run, read and scrapbook" and I made sure to do a little of each every week. I haven't gone for a run in weeks, the only thing I read is what I am reading to or with my children, and while I have 1000's of pics that I love from my new camera they are collecting dust on a shelf.
I think part of the "problem" is that most of the time I don't mind. I used to spout off the need to all mom's for them to have their own "thing" and while I still think it is good I just don't seem to miss it like I used to.
I have found a never ending supply of entertainment in learning with Kyle. I am learning more in his fourth grade studies than I did in my upper level college classes. I love having competitions with him to see who can get through a book the quickest (we are reading the last Harry Potter) and reading to him (we are reading Red Scarf Girl) and having him read to me (The Hobbit).
As for running...I know I should and the fall weather will make me want to. But, part of what I love about running is that I can eat normal and not gain weight when I run. Three weeks ago I got the flu and have lost my since of taste ever since. I am never hungry because nothing tastes...I have lost 9 pounds since. The pounds are nice, but boy do I miss taste...I eat ice cream because if I suck it long enough I get a little flavor.
Anyway, I don't know the point of this post. I honestly go to bed feeling fulfilled most of the time...but does completely losing yourself in motherhood mean that you cease to exist and if so should I care?